Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
