Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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