Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
