shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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