I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
