dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
