tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
