that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
