noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
