I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
