I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she looked like the before picture.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
