A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
