Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
