Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
