Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
