Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
