why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
