The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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