I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
