so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Mom said you looked used
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
