i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
