Your mouth is God's brothel.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have aggressive nipples.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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