There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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