shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
too bad you live with your parents still
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
