apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my being single is dangerous.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
