tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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