Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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