i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
