I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
