i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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