Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
