wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
