I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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