Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
should my penis look like a turkey
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
