**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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