Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
