I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
