I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
