The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
