one two three fourrrrnication!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
