You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
