Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
