I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
