I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
