my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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