Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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