Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
