I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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