We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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