So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
