I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
