is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
