i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
