I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
