Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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