I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm at about main and main street
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
