Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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