theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
