You just made me feel so damn special
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The Olympian is in my bed
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
